Mary. Friends of Pets. Read with a tissue.

I'm always affected by the homeless dogs and cats that appear before my lens as part of the effort to find them forever homes. I've adopted a few, helped as a liaison to connect families to the companion animals I've photographed (more than 1500 in twenty years). I'll do anything in my power to assist. And it's never easy watching some of them come through the doors. The only thing that brings a sense of calm is knowing that once they've encountered Friends of Pets, the Alaska SPCA or any other animal rescue organization is that they're assured a far better future than their past.

Sometimes, I'm sidestruck. Today was one of those days. I'm crying in my heart and hiding it on the outside (except for this blog).

Mary was rescued from a village. She was transported to Anchorage after being shot through the neck. I don't know who did it. I don't know who has helped her since then or how it is that she's still here to bless the beautiful people who will one day provide a forever home.

When she walked into the studio, Mary was calm, confident dog with a little tail wag. Or at least that's how she appeared.

I did my meet and greet. All was good. She even ate some special treats. I read her as another gentle soul waiting for her perfect companion.

Kelsey and Kara (Friends of Pets volunteer) coaxed her to the studio stage.

I lifted the camera to my eye and looked at her through the lens. In an instant...... She completely shut down. She quivered. She hid her face. To her, my camera and its clicking sound was the same as a gun. All of the sudden, I felt guilt. Tremendous guilt and shame.

After much more gentle work we calmed her and found a more comfortable "place" for her to relax on the sofa. I snapped a couple photos. One of which is shown here.

She's a lover. She needs to build trust with someone special.

And me. I'm heartbroken that she viewed me and my camera in a way that no other creature has done before. I know it wasn't my fault. But it affected me deeply. I don't know if it's hate that I'm feeling for someone in a village or something else. Most of all, I want to see a happy ending for a creature that deserves it much more than someone who was aiming a gun in her direction at one time in her life.